Be careful - Ademola Adigun

 It is not an easy thing to manage other people’s money. If you are not careful, you can get to trouble. And financial ruin.

Aunty had prided herself on being prudent. A thing of pride for her. Dutiful and meticulous. She used to say “no one can get to me” I am above temptation. Many tried but failed. Then she met Farida. High flying Farida. Party goer and gorgeous mama. They became friends and rolled together. Soon Farida introduced her to the better life. Aunty enjoyed parties and co.

Farida introduced her to investments in Dubai. Homes and properties. The new destination she told Aunty. Aunty was very cautious. She put in some. She got returns. She played with the rules.

She had considerable cash in her custody. One day she went to meet her boss. That she would be retiring soon. She was leaving the firm. Priced a high rental. Money was coming in. She was going places. She had even started fighting Japan.

She bought a new car. She attended a party and met Sekoni. A hunk. Sekoni soon won her heart. Sekoni was a liger… he made her purr and moan… soon they were doing business together. She introduced him to offshore investors in Dubai. She introduced him to Farida. They were a trio hanging out together.

Then a mega deal came. I don’t need to tell you that story. A predictable end. She could not resign anymore she was stuck with the job and had to pay debts. They did her badly. She later found out that Sekoni and Farida were siblings. One took her heart, the other took her funds.

What worried her most was that Sekoni also packed her underwear. Why? she did not know. But he left her a note …

When she discovered she wailed…”Oko mi lowo.. otun ko pata” 

The note he left read …”Olubadan ki se eni a ri fin”

- Ademola Adigun

NB; Some of this are fictions, but learn from it

Need through vulnerabilities - Ademola Adigun

 I need you in my life.. without you I can’t exist… he/she needs me in their life.. without me they can’t thrive

 A guy’s father is very ill. The guy describes the father as a strong pillar and anchor. The father is in the hospital dying from an illness. He tells the girl he is trying to date that he is overwhelmed and can’t visit the dad that is his anchor. He keeps the girl inundated with the father’s illness. 

But he never visits. He explains to the lady how much he needs her at that hour of need. The lady is smart. She can recognize a manipulator. She thinks low of persons that use situations to pursue affection. She also realizes the play.. to make her feel needed. It works. Most people fall for it. They like to believe they are useful. Man are good at exploiting that need to feel needed.

Case 2

She is a people pleaser. She gets her high from pleasing people. She loves the attention that follows. He recognizes that need in her. He knows how to manipulate that need for approval, for applause, for validation. It works. He celebrates that vulnerability. Constantly shouting about her contributions to the life of others. It works. The drug that screams people should like me. I am helpful. Without me “they” can survive.

People will always see that weakness in you and exploit it. People are not bad. They just sometimes need to feed on your vulnerabilities as you seek adulation.

See a praise singer? Just calls you your name. A security person you will never see hails you “honourable”. A stranger comes into your inbox and manipulates you to meet their needs. You fall… they meet a need you have…. To be thought of as nice. To be celebrated…

It is life.

- Ademola Adigun 

Common Sense

 Someone sent this to me via WhatsApp,

It's worth sharing

An obituary printed in the London Times... absolutely dead brilliant!!

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

- Knowing when to come in out of the rain;

- Why the early bird gets the worm;

- Life isn't always fair;

- And maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the religious centers became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death,

-by his parents, Truth and Trust,

-by his wife, Discretion,

-by his daughter, Responsibility,

-and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers; 

- I Know My Rights

- I Want It Now

- Someone Else Is To Blame

- I'm A Victim

- Pay me for Doing Nothing

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

A dangerous cycle of recklessness - Seun Kolade

 A dangerous cycle of recklessness

By Seun Kolade

Nobel Laureate, Professor Wole Soyinka, recently intervened in the wake of the Channels TV’s interview given by Labour Party’s Vice-Presidential Candidate, Mr Datti Baba-Ahmed. Soyinka decried Baba-Ahmed’s “menacing’ threat and “blackmail” of the nation’s judiciary. He also deplored what he described as the “fascistic” tendencies of the “Obidient” movement. It was not, he said, “what we struggled for”, obviously referring to his more than six decades of activism. That includes the memorable occasion in 1965 when he took hostage a radio station at gun point, in defiance of what he considered to a fascist regime in Western Nigeria. He was 31 years old at the time. In the intervening years and decades, Soyinka would spend time in solitary confinement because of his strident opposition to the Biafra war and his campaign for peace. He was also a leading figure of the NADECO struggle in the 1990s, for which he was on Abacha’s hit list and was forced to exile. Surely, a man of Soyinka’s stature and standing has the moral authority to intervene the way he did, in a courageous stand against the encroaching tides of fascism.

Except, of course, that many “Obidients” would argue that they are, in fact, Soyinka’s authentic heirs. As far as they are concerned, they are taking a last stand against a Nigerian state that is presumably assuming the profile of a fascist state where the law is used selectively to protect a corrupt elite and suppress the masses of the people. For good measure, they would argue that they draw inspiration from Soyinka’s hostage playbook as a necessary intervention in a situation where the law was no longer applied fairly and consistently for public good, but protect the interests of a few. Soyinka did not wait for the court to act, after all, in 1965. He was convinced something had to be done, urgently, in the interest of public good. 

On a fundamental level, I believe this is the argument Baba-Ahmed was making. He was saying in effect that he and the Labour Party are in fact the victim, rather than instigators, of official recklessness. The INEC chair, he argued, had acted recklessly and illegally with his clandestine issuance of a certificate of return to former Governor Tinubu. INEC had acted in contravention of the electoral act by failing to upload and collate the results live via IReV. The election had been rigged, and Labour voters violently disenfranchised in many places, notably in Lagos. Did the authorities expect these citizens to play the fool and play along with a fraudulent and allegedly unconstitutional process? Baba-Ahmed says he is not prepared to do that. He and his supporters have chosen to fight fire for fire.

The problem with this zero-sum play is that it induces a vicious cycle of recklessness in the civic space, a cycle which naturally progresses to a state of anarchy and the enactment of naked violence in the streets. This plays right into the hand of a corrupt establishment, who will be all too happy to deploy the coercive instruments of state power in the ensuing melee. This is not the only problem, though. As we have learnt from the Reign of Terror during the French Revolution, any popular movement that abandons reason as the core instrument of campaign and mobilisation will self-destruct sooner than later. 

Threats, blackmail and intimidation can produce appearances of short-term results while precipitating long-term damages. You cannot threaten your way to transformative change. The fire of intimidation is a conflagration that consumes all, including its purveyors. The ‘Obidient” movement needs to revise its strategy. There is certainly something to be said for the emotional energy of youth who have had enough and are fired up to take their country back. However, anger itself is not a sustainable instrument of effective mass mobilisation, abuse is hardly an effective strategy for persuasion, and groupthink can only reach so far.

Let me now conclude by returning to an earlier point. The youth of Nigeria, broadly represented by the members of the END SARS movement, are not the instigators but victims of state-led recklessness and violence. The blood of peaceful END SARS protesters is an indelible stain of the conscience of this nation. 

The Nigerian authorities need to think carefully about their approach and rhetoric. The youth are angry because of perceived injustices and fraud allegedly unleashed by agents of the state. Those allegations must be treated with utmost seriousness and urgency in a fair and transparent judicial process. Unless and until the state does this, it has no moral authority to condemn dissenters as treasonable, as the minister of information recently did, in response to opposition leaders declaring the installation of the president elect as unconstitutional. 

Without this credibility, underpinned by clear and consistent adherence to the rule of law, the state will have breached the social contract and effectively lose its legitimacy. From my vantage point, it is the Nigerian government that has unleashed a vicious cycle of recklessness, and it is now the duty of the state to stop this destructive cycle. Those who make the rules must play by the rules.

Inspire Others - Segun Awosanya

 Distinguished,

The greatest legacy you will ever leave are fulfilled children (both biological and others you inspire even without meeting) who build on your indelible footprints. The material things won’t stand the test of time. 

Learn the let go and stop overthinking your regrets. Each waking moment is an opportunity to right the wrongs. Those that grandstand in foolishness are toying with eternal damnation. 

What anyone thinks of you is none of your business. Ignore anything that saps your energy and embrace what ignites your being. Pay more attention to what makes your heart sing. This is where healing lives, spend time listening to the still small voice and with time, you will be made whole. Time heals almost everything. 

The worst hurt you will ever do to your own soul is compare your life to that of others. The only person you should aim to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Glory not in the achievement of yesterday and use the encouragement as a springboard to breaking more barriers. 

Calm is a superpower. An empty pocket and rumbling tummy are great teachers. It is okay not to have everything we want while being hopeful for God to supply all our needs in His riches and glory. 

There is no one coming to save you. Our burdens can only be cast on the author and finisher of our faith and not on politicians or humans with their own frailties. Taking personal responsibility is the beginning of self emancipation from mental slavery. 

Don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy. Smile and tell the man in the mirror that you are a piece of the master as made in His image and thus, remain a living and fulfilled Masterpiece. He has completed the work He started before He even began. He knew you before you were formed and to ensure your blessing doesn’t kill you, He first must make you strong. 

The battle you are currently seeking to fight is not yours but the Lord’s. It is a foreshadow of the battle of the ages that has been fought and won. 

It ends in praise and testimony. Keep the faith. 

#YouAreEnough 🫵🏽

The "daddification" of church leaders By Seun Kolade

 The "daddification" of church leaders

By Seun Kolade

The leaked audio conversation of Peter Obi with Bishop Oyedepo has generated a lot of interest among Nigerian netizens. There are continuing suggestions that the audio is doctored, although a spokesperson of the Peter Obi campaign has confirmed its authenticity, while trying to bat away any suggestions of inappropriateness. For the most part, the reactions have been dominated by determined detractors and fierce loyalists of Peter Obi, generally shouting at each other from entrenched positions, as is often the case. Away from the entertaining dialogue of the deaf, spiced with a good deal of political theatre, I have an entirely different interest on the matter.

Perhaps you have not noticed, but Mr Peter Obi is 61 years old. Bishop Oyedepo is 68. Both of them are accomplished leaders with high public profiles, Obi in business and politics; Oyedepo in religion and business. Even their most strident detractors will struggle to fault their impact in the Nigerian public space. There are differences between them, of course. The one that is of particular interest in this piece is the fact that Bishop Oyedepo is a Faith leader. And I begin with an acknowledgement that there is something to be said for the merits of spiritual mentorship, and that this is not determined by age differences. In other words, a younger person can be a spiritual mentor to an older person. No problem with that. At any rate, in this case, Bishop Oyedepo is the older guy and presumed spiritual mentor.

Yet, when we set aside a possible political calculation that may have underpinned the act, there is something un-nerving about a 61-year-old addressing a 68-old as “Daddy”. My considered view is that it is unhealthy for both men, intellectually but also spiritually, it must be stressed. It is detrimental to the quality of public intellection, and by extension, to public good. Let me explain.

A mentor, in the spiritual or professional domain, is one who guides and nurtures the talent of another. The mentor gives space for growth and helps the mentee to reach beyond perceived limitations in the exercise of their agency, into spheres of accomplishment and impact that are often outside and above the mentor’s own capabilities and expertise. A “yes daddy” mentality is inimical to this kind of personal growth and professional development. It is painfully suffocating and disabling, even if the victim lives in denial. A “yes daddy” mindset induces a person to a self-cossetting intellectual lethargy and arrested state of consciousness. 

And make no mistake, because a “yes daddy” culture is socially constructed often through the instrument of organised religion, the mechanisms of enforcement are strong and severe. A refusal to join a “yes daddy” bandwagon incurs dire social and practical consequences. Objectors are liable to be marked and thrown out as social outcasts, out of sync with the current of popular culture. It can become a dark place where, unless you happily embrace the tag of a disruptor, even the sane begins to question their own sanity, and the talented knowledge producers are pressured to commit intellectual suicide.

I was in a church at Ibadan, Nigeria, last Sunday. A good service overall, parts of which makes me rather nostalgic. Yet I was struck by some of the things the pastor was saying in a church that, when I was in the university, had a reputation of attracting serious minded disciples who engaged the scriptures vigorously with their minds and souls. It was, for good measure, a church of professors, many of them occupying the highest offices in their respective faculties and departments. There I was, and the pastor, among others, declared almost by fiat that there was “no therapy for depression”. I am sure there were a few professors of clinical psychology and psychiatry in that congregation, and I wonder whether their voices could also be heard among the choruses of “amen”! There were also talks of witches flying by night, and an anecdotal reference to a man coming out of his house one day to find a dead bird fallen at his front door, a sign, the pastor said, that another witch had come to her sad end. It is one thing to assert the limitations of medical science, to which all scientists agree, but it is quite another to outrightly deny its efficacy, however limited. But I am almost certain that no clinical psychologist in the audience will be having a conversation about the sermon with the pastor afterwards. You could sense a palpable fear of being thrown out, metaphorically speaking. That fear is keeping everyone in check.

 

The thing is: that sermon was almost unthinkable 28/29 years ago, when I was a student at the university and attended the church more than a few times. And yet we had pastors and leaders then who took their roles seriously and engaged diligently and deeply with the Scriptures. We drew from their wells of wisdom, not by means of a “yes daddy” posture, but in the Berean spirit of diligent inquiry humble seeking, unfettered by self-appointed “daddies” holding close the gates of knowledge, much like the pharisees. The Sunday School was, and remains, my favourite part of a Sunday service. I always relish the opportunities to ask questions, not merely for intellectual enrichment, but mainly for spiritual edification. And our leaders were generous in giving, and humble in receiving from us younger folks.

“Yes Daddy” is a destructive cultural phenomenon that needs to be stopped in its tracks by well-meaning citizens, starting with diligent disciples in the church pews. For the health of the Church, and for the good of society, please. Spiritual fatherhood is not a title for ostentation and self-glorification; it is a responsibility that must be undertaken with humility and allegiance to the one Master of all- the Lord himself. And it is the one reason why the Lord warns: “do not call anyone on earth ‘father,’ for you have one Father, and he is in heaven” (Matthew 23:9). It is not a denouncement of biological parents, but a repudiation of a “yes daddy” mentality that hampers spiritual growth, stifles intellectual freedom and ultimately retards cultural progress.

Dr. Seun Kolade

Get your life in track - Ademola Adigun

 Get your life on track 

All paid jobs come to an end at some point. Planned or unplanned. Many firms have poor exit management processes. So in some cases people are very bitter when they are disengaged. They get bitter and spend energy on hate and have a victim mentality.

It is the same with marriages. A break up or divorce renders the  partners immobile. They are filled with bitterness. They calculate the energy e poured into the relationship. The sacrifices they made and end up filled with rage. That rage disempowers them from focusing on going forward with their lives.

Some get hurt from what they term as betrayal. People they helped or assisted that will not answer their call in time of their need. They rail against humanity and have negative disempowering thoughts. They can’t move forward.

It is good to realize that these things are part of life. Sack, forced resignation, divorce, termination of friendships, ingrates and all that are things some or most will experience.

Move despite it. Accept it. Manage your hurt, seek therapy if you need to. Love yourself enough to be capable of acting positively. 

Box the past and focus on new opportunities. Use your anger to uplift yourself. Spin it to positive energy. 

At the end, realize that nobody owes you anything. But you owe yourself.

Ademola Adigun